Sun News reflections and trying to move on

It’s old news to the public but still startling news to me.

Sun News is dead.

My job is gone. The team has been broken up. The fight is over. My three year journey has come to an end.

And even though it’s been a few weeks now, I’m finally ready to speak out.

Continue reading “Sun News reflections and trying to move on”


Day 5: Change the tape in your head

I’d like to thank my mother for this phrase and concept. I’m not gonna lie but this one (so far) seems to be the hardest to conquer.

I do believe that the only things you can actually control are your thoughts and actions. Everything else is G-d’s doings and it’s our job to react and do what’s perceived as right with those circumstances in hand.

But of course our thoughts can go astray. That wonderful thing (or cop out excuse as I like to call it) called the evil inclination is constantly trying to change the tape in your head. It’s a track turned up to eleven playing some pretty sweet tunes. And yeah, we get upset, depressed, hopeless and feel like there’s no way of making things right.

Simply saying “change the tape in your head (now go!)” is inadequate and an incomplete method of being and doing positive. What can we do to complete that method?

If you’ve been following along, you’ll notice that one of my Favourite tools is anticipation. Discover what drives you off the deep end and prepare to yourself for what might come. Great. But my concern here is what to do when that tape gets flipped to that anger and depressed side. I’m struggling to find a good response for you. Oh boy… That’s a tough one to fend off.

But we know what makes us happy. Go find that. Even if it is completely off course of how to break out and avoid/stop those feelings in the future. Or maybe change that tape into a repetitive recording of you just “change the tape, change the tape, and on and on…”

Like I said: this is a tough one – one that’ll last a lifetime. But you can do it.


Day 4: “The Past Won’t Rest Until We Jump The Fence And Leave It Behind”


It’s the quote that comes up when I unlock my phone. Every time something bad happens I do my best to move on. And not just walk away. But jump the fence.

About a month ago I literally had to walk away from something horrible. I was in a bad car accident. I was hurt physically and mentally. It’s still pretty scary to drive now. You can’t go by that area any more without thinking about those horrible things.

It takes a while to recover, of course. But I need to jump that fence. The past is a poison that stirs within and blurs all that you’ve done well and what you can be capable of doing. You can learn but then you gotta jump.


Day 3: How to suck at focusing (story of my life)

It’s quite appropriate that I’m writing about this topic with only minutes to go before Day 3 is over.

Quite simply, I get distracted. Often. Like really often. I could go on about how I’ve had ADHD since I was whatever age and that I’ve been on every med in the cabinet but that’s just making excuses. Heck, making excuses itself is a distraction and a result of lack of focus. Discovering causes instead of making excuses and then figuring how out to deal with them and move forward – now that’s focus.

As much as I’d like to put earphones on and attach blinders that get rid of my peripheral vision that’s just not happening. And it’s not like I don’t want to not focus… I just can’t help myself. I guess it comes back to trying and effort.

Someone (that same person who called me out on not trying) said I’m a champion of not focusing. It sucks but it’s true. I can focus on the discussions around me but not what’s in front of me. I don’t miss a beat around me but I’m hitting air when it comes to what’s in front of me.

Perhaps it’s a subconscious way of saying I don’t won’t to focus or pay attention. I don’t know really…

So what can I do to work on this? I can catch myself in acts of non-focus. I can learn the triggers and how to react to them. It’s like driving a car I guess: you learn how to anticipate potential roadblocks and accidents that could happen by preparing strategies and actions on how to deal with them. That way you’re not blown out of the water when you drift off into some different stratosphere of on-goings and happenings. Of course there’s making a list and a way to complete those tasks but I’m liking that first method a whole lot more. Not to say the list is ineffective… It’s integral

That’s another of learning who you are. And understanding how you tick (and ‘tock’ – I’ll call that the opposite of goods – we should strive to identify, deal and hopefully eliminate those tocks.)


Day 2: What is trying your hardest?

I had a chat with a superior of mine about some progress in my life (that’s not vague at all). He told me something that broke my heart: I gave off the impression that I wasn’t trying.

I couldn’t believe it. I’d always prided myself in saying that the best I could do is try my hardest. And now I’m being told that I’m failing. I said things like does it not seem like I care and want to do well? And then I realized there’s a difference between caring and trying.

There’s actually four things I’ve realized. There’s caring, wanting, needing and trying. And I guess to try, you got to want. And need. It almost feels like I have to reevaluate what I want in life and am I really trying to get it? The answer seems like I’m not. Boy that sucks.

What does it mean to try? A Google definition search reveals it as “to make an attempt or effort to do something.” So I guess effort is another element to consider. And effort is defined as “a vigorous or determined attempt.”

A lot of “attempts” there. But nothing of accomplishment or success. But perhaps that’s the accomplishment: the success of trying.

So let’s rewrite or books and rediscover what it means to try. And I think once we figure that out the we can know what we want and need.


Day 1: Trust the pen, trust your smarts

Sometimes we feel like we’re not good at anything. It might seem like we suck at everything and when things aren’t working out for us, we forget what we’re good at.

Of course we don’t suck at everything. Sure there are things we suck at, but we’re good at a lot of things too.

The important thing is to find them and remember them.

Trust the pen and write them down. Think hard and deep. Ask those who care about you. And then trust the pen.

I know I’m a good writer so I literally must trust the pen.

And once you’ve written them down, trust your smarts.

Remind yourself of these smarts. Do them and practice them. Wash and repeat.

Trust the pen and trust your smarts.


G-d gave me the two things I asked for this year. And they aren’t what you think.

Rosh Hashanah is literally around the corner and that typically means it’s a time for reflection, renewed hope and aspirations and then some. But it’s also a time for thanks. We look back on the past year and ask ourselves questions like, “what did we want this year? Did I get it? Did I truly accomplish my goals? And how did I get year from last year?”

For me personally, I can actually say I accomplished what I wanted and got what I asked for. And guess what… It has very to little to do with to do with physical accomplishments…

Continue reading “G-d gave me the two things I asked for this year. And they aren’t what you think.”

Random, rants, Uncategorized

Saying “I don’t care”

“I don’t care.”

It’s probably the most impolite thing a person can say.

Most of time you hear it without malice or true intent. It’s more of a “I’m tired and want to go to sleep” like expression. It’s a quick and flippant response to something that’s unimportant at the current time. Or maybe it’s a response to something doesn’t that doesn’t garner your attention.

But when you actually mean it, it’s flat out… well… mean.

And sometimes, to get your message across – you have to get mean.

Continue reading “Saying “I don’t care””


Do we share the same feelings?

I’d like to try something. I’m curious. As humans, we share emotions, feelings and thoughts about life. Whether they be things about ourselves, others or various things.

I’d like to put out there some feelings and see if you share them as well. It’s the concept of students in a classroom all having the same question, but no one has the guts to ask it. But when someone finally asks, the class is happy someone stood up. And perhaps those collective insecurities can come together and the individual can realize they aren’t alone in how they feel.

You aren’t required to literally respond. But my hope is that you can relate.