G-d gave me the two things I asked for this year. And they aren’t what you think.

Rosh Hashanah is literally around the corner and that typically means it’s a time for reflection, renewed hope and aspirations and then some. But it’s also a time for thanks. We look back on the past year and ask ourselves questions like, “what did we want this year? Did I get it? Did I truly accomplish my goals? And how did I get year from last year?”

For me personally, I can actually say I accomplished what I wanted and got what I asked for. And guess what… It has very to little to do with to do with physical accomplishments…

You often hear about prayers for things like a good job, a spouse/mate (or a better relationship with the one you already have), or general good health and happiness. Or perhaps things like being able to control your anger, not sweating the small stuff (rather concentrate on the important things). We all really ask for these things in general… Or at least I hope we all do…

But the things I wanted we’re purely between me and well… myself. As a matter of fact, every time I do pray I ask for these things. Lets call them the two ‘Cs’:

Clarity in decision making
Confidence

Physically speaking, I got what I really wanted last year: I finished school, landed a job doing what I wanted (a studied for) and greatly increased health, the latter constantly improving against continued challenges.

But for this past year, I said to myself that is what I truly wanted. And the thing bout these requests is that you’ll be asking and striving for it the rest of your life. I also look at them like ‘general requests’ and not so much specific ones.

But since we’re talking about specifics, here’s where the prayers came through (without going into too much of my personals… lol):

I have a better idea what I what in my life. I know how I want to spend everyday. I have a better idea of what I need to do to get there. And even if I don’t, I know to sit down, think it over, confide in those who know me well and have my very best in mind to get there.

And I believe in myself. I have confidence.

Confidence has always been a tough thing for me. I’ve always though of myself as uber-shy. Things are too scary… What happens of people say no or things don’t go my way? It holds me back from taking initiative.

But I believe I’ve gotten better. I’m not as afraid to ask questions. I’m better at choosing whom to trust. Taking chances whether its with relationships or going out for better jobs… Repairing relationships… Understanding that if things don’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. Not being scared of peoples’ problems or imperfections but rather being understanding and sensitive to them.

And on a side note – I’ve really come to appreciate the seemingly imperfect people. People with challenges. I mean we all have them… But I guess things like mental issues or similar problems. Take looking for girlfriend/boyfriend and let’s be real: we get scared of things like mental issues… We want the ‘perfect’ person and nothing less than that.

Not me.

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And what’s next? I keep praying for it.

Have you ever noticed that when you get success in something (i.e. a good relationship) in one year… it gets waaaaay harder to maintain it the following year?

Trust me: I’m anticipating that. And we all should too.

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May G-d grant us all we need (and through positive means) to be successful. And at this time next year, we should be able to say that not only did we get what we prayed for but more importantly – we’re better people too.

Shana Tova.

And Happy Hanukah.